here's the edited colorless trees shot. huge difference in mood.
the duck one in black and white. i'm not sure if i like it better. i dislike both, but i guess this suits my current mood a little better.
some more B&W of the trees overlooking the river...
the pollution pic looking a lot different. how's that for happy?
this pic sort of conveys my mood right now. i didn't post this one before, since the sunset behind it didn't come out at all. but when something's black and white, whether or not those come out doesn't really matter...
the gloomy pic in B&W. i'm not sure whether or not this is gloomier, without color. it's funny that things seem so much more depressing without color.
this doesn't seem so bad. in fact it sort of looks more like hope than despair. maybe like... the end of a bad journey, and coming to a clearing, and seeing something refreshing. i'm listening to pink's "who knew", it could be adding to the sort of gloomy mood. but after posting all those pics and looking back on them, i realized how unstable i was. i thought photography could be something i could go into, but now i feel so... talentless. too many what-ifs. what if the only good shots i took were all luck shots? anyone can take pictures. anyone can take a good picture given good lighting and a good subject. flipping through a photography textbook makes me feel like a fool. i can compare this feeling to that of investing in something unworthwhile. something similar to bankruptcy maybe? i wouldn't know, i haven't had the chance to be bankrupt yet. i just think it would be somewhat similar, the feeling of having nothing or being nothing.
anyway, i've been meaning to get my GED this summer. i guess that's reason enough for me to doubt myself. i barely remember basic algebra. shoot, if i didn't speak every day i might be unable to right now. i know i'm fairly smart, i'm just not a genius. and things pass by so quickly, i've barely had a chance to see them before they're just.. gone. i used to have a way with words too... and now i can barely form decent sentences. reading my old essays makes me think, who the heck wrote this? i used to be able to write like this? looking at my old sketchbook just makes me wonder where all that talent went. it's like childhood was the ripe season of my life. if i think about it from that point of view, it almost feels like photography is the cheap way out, since i can't sketch anymore. all i need instead is a mechanism that creates the images for me. and when i see some of these shots, it feels like i can't even do that right.
isn't it funny? i ended this post with the image that i started the last one with. maybe life is like that too. everything's ironic when you're down, i guess. i'll end this post now before i sound like the drama queen that i am. and i'm changing the profile pic temporarily to suit my mood. that one pisses me off.
2 comments:
Kit, you have more talent than the entire '05 class of OB, OK? That probably isn't saying much, since anyone could have more talent than them, but at least I am acknowledging that you have talent. Everyone doubts themselves, especially in this creative career. I doubt myself too. But just that glimmer of wanting it, the enjoyment you get, the swell of pride. It might be fleeting, it might not be justified to you at times, but you couldn't trade that feeling or find it anywhere else than what you're doing then. So don't give that up, because your what ifs will turn into what if I did go to that school? what if I carried it out all the way through? True, the possibility of failure is always lurking around the corner, but you'll regret it and say what if more if you never pursue it, and ultimately a failure in and of itself.
I'm probably not the best person to give advice, I'm not in such a great state either. But I hate to see someone with talent actually think otherwise. It just seemed like a crime not to say something
I am in awe of the fifth one down. Something about imprisoning nature- the world trapped behind the vertical bars of its cell.
I've always been in awe of the pulchritudinous talent that is photography. It seems you have a true gift of capturing these snipets of your life story and allowing someone to find their own experience within.
Thanks for sharing.
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